Life is Short: Are You Doing What Matters Most?

I was driving through the streets of LA with music on and loud so as to distract myself from the crazy annoying drivers who do everything but actually drive. The last thing I was thinking about was where I was going with my life. Then the song, “Alone Again Naturally” by Gilbert O’Sullivan came on the radio and I was immediately transported back to the ‘70s at around age 9 on vacation with my family in Ocean City, Maryland. That was our vacation spot for many years. I have many fond memories of that place. There were so many things that delighted my senses there. The sound of the crashing waves, walking the boardwalk and going in and out of souvenir and shell shops, the smell of iron-on decals on souvenir t-shirts, cute blonde boys, the warm sand in between my toes, getting ready to go out to dinner and so on. It was a magical place for this girl from Queens.

This one year on vacation, my brother, who is 7 years older than me, had that record and played it over and over again on his portable record player. He had met a girl and she had to leave to go back home since her family vacation had come to an end. He was devastated. He listened and listened and seemed to get more and more down and depressed. I was only 9 so I couldn’t relate at this point. This memory is so vivid for me.

As I drove listening and remembering, I sang loud and proud smiling and enjoying the fond memories. But then as I started to really listen to the words, “I remembered I cried when my father died, never wishing to hide the tears…” My emotions started to shift from happy and reminiscent to sad.

The next lyric about his mother, “ when she passed away, I cried and cried all day, alone again naturally.” Ugh! That was the clincher. I began to cry uncontrollably. Not a great thing to do while you’re driving and stuck in traffic. I was flooded with thoughts that made me realize my life has completely flown by. My childhood, my life was behind me and almost over. I am in the last and final chapter of this life. Being closer to 60 than to 50 really scares me since my dad and sister in law both died at the age of 64. How the heck did I get so old? The more I thought about my distant childhood the sadder I became. I dried my tears and tried to pull it together. Can’t imagine what the nearby drivers thought of my outburst.

Thank goodness the song was finally over. Whew!! Come on girl, get it together. But much to my chagrin, the next song would throw me over the edge. “Something Stupid” by Frank Sinatra and his daughter, Nancy, was the next song to play. Good Grief!! This song brings me back to when I was around 5 or so dancing on my father’s feet as he danced the two of us around the room. This song was one of the first 45 records I owned and I played over and over again on my felt record player. When I would listen to it, I could see my dad watching me while I sang with a big smile on his face with loving eyes. I adored my dad and when he died, I was devastated.

There continues to be a void in my heart that will never be filled. No one will ever love me like he did and realizing that hurts like hell.

All those memories. As I continued to drive and wipe away the tears, I started to think long and hard about my mortality and the fact that I am on the back end of my life. How did I become the one in charge? Where's my mommy and daddy? I still feel like a 12-year-old but I am far from it. It feels like all of a sudden, I am the grown up caring for an aging parent and kids. Who died and put me in charge?

Whether you, like me, have both growing kids and aging parents to look after, or it’s just your own complicated life you’re trying to manage, you’ve probably had similar thoughts. Sometimes you feel like the “Stretch Armstrong” doll being pulled by opposite arms in two different directions. Meanwhile, what happened to your OWN dreams, and goals, and aspirations?

The feelings that made me so sad driving through the streets of L.A. were about loss. We’ve all lost so much when we get to a certain age—our childhood, maybe our parents, perhaps someone who loved us like no one else ever could or a place we used to call home. As the adult in your world, you are the one in charge. So, how do you want to live the rest of your life? How do you want to be showing up every day? Do you want to interpret your memories as a reminder of a life gone by or focus on the road ahead where you get to live out the rest of your life the way you want and how you want?

You have a choice. You can choose to be sad and depressed or you can choose to look at the situation from a different perspective.

What if you were told you only had one year left to live? How would you choose to live the rest of your life? How would you live your life differently? What would truly matter to you?

Would you really want to be upset about the toilet seat being left up, or the person who ignores you after you’ve said hello, or the person who you’ve seen many times but every time they see you, they have no idea who you are and they say nice to meet you. Or how about the girl behind you in the market who continually pops her gum or the jerk who cuts you off in traffic, you beep and they flip YOU the finger?!! Okay, some of these would still be annoying even with a year left to live but you see the point. In the big scheme of things, this stuff really doesn’t matter or at least it shouldn’t.

Thinking about having only a year left to live can open up a whole world of opportunities. Realizing you are in the driver seat of your life can have the power to make you feel weightless and free.

You have the power to live out your life as you choose not based on what others want or think.

Make your days on this earth count. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do, be the person you choose to be. Love the people in your life unconditionally and make sure they know it. Help someone else/pay it forward.

This is not an easy task for those of us who have lived our entire lives caring about what other people think, feeling unworthy and insecure. How can you make that shift?

You can start by thinking about the things in your life that matter most. Maybe it's your kids, your spouse, your family, and friends, finding your purpose, serving God, love, and kindness. When you think about the things that matter to you most, did the job that's defined you for many years, make it on your list? If quitting working the last year of your life is not an option for financial reasons, then how could you continue to work but in such a way that’s mindful, thoughtful, empathetic, and empowered? Think about how you want to be remembered. The person who always had to be right or the person who just wanted to be happy so was comfortable and secure enough to let others be right or have the final say. The person who stomped over everyone to get to the top or the person who was inclusive, transparent and authentic. The person who is a narcissist that cares only for yourself or the person who listens, cares and puts other first.

You see, you have a choice.

Quitting your job and sailing around the world may not be an option for you but who you are and who you show up to be is completely within your control and it’s free.

If you were told you only had a year left to live, would you live your life differently? If so, what would that look like for you?

About the writer

Lynn Finley is a writer and life coach who helps her clients bring a sense of well-being, balance, and ownership to work/life challenges and transitions. Lynn has over 25 years of corporate experience, including as a Senior VP at Disney, where she led a 100-person team and is a Certified Professional Coach. Lynn is a contributing author to the personal transformation book series Pebbles in the Pond-Wave Three and the Grown and Flown website. Learn more